Bushell on the Box:
There's no Ender fun when Walford parties!
AHH Christmas – a time of joy and laughter, love and hope.
A time for family, forgiveness and fond memories everywhere… Except on EastEnders, of course, where seasonal glad tidings for the Carter kids amounted to: grandad’s dying, nan’s got dementia and mum’s been raped by your cousin (who’s really your uncle).
Dad Mick wasn’t decking the halls with boughs of holly – he was too busy decking Deano.
And the rage and recrimination festered on into Boxing Day when distraught Mick threw a few regulars and a load of random extras ahht the pub.
There was an odd moment when Shirley said: “Please Mick, can we go upstairs.”
But even Enders wouldn’t sink that low. When Linda finally walked, you wondered what took her so long.
Of course the BBC will say this is “real life”, “sh*t happens”. But in real life good things happen too. People love and aspire and get on with each other.
That’s what the misery junkies at EastEnders forget. What they serve up isn’t Christmas, it’s Jeremy Kylemas.
They couldn’t subvert the Yuletide message more if they were funded by Islamic State.
We’re told the soap has improved this year. But all they’ve done is recycle old plots at a faster pace.
“Dean’s your bruvva” is the latest twist on “You ain’t my muvva.”
Linda’s ordeal was the fifth time a major character had been raped (Kathy, the part-time bipolar sufferer Stacey, Little Mo – twice, Kat historically by her uncle).
And the big dramatic build-up depended on her usually attentive, loving hubby not noticing she had been treating Dean as if he was the Grinch gatecrashing a Nativity play.
At Christmas, people want to escape drudgery and celebrate what’s great about humanity. That’s why our fondest festive TV memories are the Trotters and Morecambe & Wise, shows that brought us sunshine.
All EastEnders brings us is folk getting caught in life’s sad downpour without a brolly. If life were genuinely like this, there would be a Dignitas clinic on every street corner.
THAT Queen Vic menu in full: turkey roasted, Mick stewed, Dean battered…
WHAT the choir should’ve sung: “A pitiful sight, we ain’t happy tonight, we’re wincing in a Walford woeful-land…”
DID Stan Carter stuff the turkey on Christmas Day or did Cora storm off before he had a chance?
There's no Ender fun when Walford parties!
AHH Christmas – a time of joy and laughter, love and hope.
A time for family, forgiveness and fond memories everywhere… Except on EastEnders, of course, where seasonal glad tidings for the Carter kids amounted to: grandad’s dying, nan’s got dementia and mum’s been raped by your cousin (who’s really your uncle).
Dad Mick wasn’t decking the halls with boughs of holly – he was too busy decking Deano.
And the rage and recrimination festered on into Boxing Day when distraught Mick threw a few regulars and a load of random extras ahht the pub.
There was an odd moment when Shirley said: “Please Mick, can we go upstairs.”
But even Enders wouldn’t sink that low. When Linda finally walked, you wondered what took her so long.
Of course the BBC will say this is “real life”, “sh*t happens”. But in real life good things happen too. People love and aspire and get on with each other.
That’s what the misery junkies at EastEnders forget. What they serve up isn’t Christmas, it’s Jeremy Kylemas.
They couldn’t subvert the Yuletide message more if they were funded by Islamic State.
We’re told the soap has improved this year. But all they’ve done is recycle old plots at a faster pace.
“Dean’s your bruvva” is the latest twist on “You ain’t my muvva.”
Linda’s ordeal was the fifth time a major character had been raped (Kathy, the part-time bipolar sufferer Stacey, Little Mo – twice, Kat historically by her uncle).
And the big dramatic build-up depended on her usually attentive, loving hubby not noticing she had been treating Dean as if he was the Grinch gatecrashing a Nativity play.
At Christmas, people want to escape drudgery and celebrate what’s great about humanity. That’s why our fondest festive TV memories are the Trotters and Morecambe & Wise, shows that brought us sunshine.
All EastEnders brings us is folk getting caught in life’s sad downpour without a brolly. If life were genuinely like this, there would be a Dignitas clinic on every street corner.
THAT Queen Vic menu in full: turkey roasted, Mick stewed, Dean battered…
WHAT the choir should’ve sung: “A pitiful sight, we ain’t happy tonight, we’re wincing in a Walford woeful-land…”
DID Stan Carter stuff the turkey on Christmas Day or did Cora storm off before he had a chance?
Bushell on the Box: There's no Ender fun when Walford parties!
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